Califorks: My Love Hate Story
by Ramsay Fiction
Summary: Bella Swan lives a comfortable, cozy life in Forks. But her past shoves its way back into her life without control. When she gets pulled into something unexpected, hearts are broken, lies are told and unexplainable bonds are formed. Eventual canon couples
1. Love

_**Hi!**_

_**I hope you all enjoy my fanfic!**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**_

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_**Thunder - Boys Like Girls**_

_Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer_  
_Do you know you're unlike any other?_  
_You'll always be my thunder, and I said_  
_Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors_  
_I don't wanna ever love another_  
_You'll always be my thunder_  
_So bring on the rain_  
_And bring on the thunder_

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Bella POV

Some people say change is good. It's a way to let go of the bad things and move past things that were especially hard. Change is a fresh start, a clean slate. Change is new. Change is exciting. Change is good.

But what if I don't agree with that? What if I'm perfectly content with the way things are? What if, to me, change is scary, unknown? It has the ability to ruin my happiness and I don't know how I could deal with that.

"Hey, Beautiful. I was wondering where you were." A pair of strong arms wrapped around me and I leaned back, resting against his warm chest. I looked up to find two gorgeous, blue eyes staring lovingly back at me. Jasper's long wavy locks flopped over his eyes and I gently pushed them out of the way.

"Just doing some cleaning." I nodded to them messy piles of books and clothes that littered my bedroom floor. He and my older brother, Emmett had been downstairs playing video games. I was guessing they were taking a break.

Jasper, Emmett and I had all been very close ever since my family had moved here about nine years ago. Before that, I had lived in California with my best friend, Rosalie Hale. After a couple of years in Forks, Rose and I lost touch, but I gained new friends. One of them was Jasper Whitlock.

About a week after we had moved into our cozy little home, I had decided that it would be a good idea to go rollerblading and explore the neighborhood. Even with the proper padding it was dangerous for someone like me to be doing that. On my feet, I'm only a hazard to myself. But on wheels, everybody should be giving me a ten foot radius.

And just because I couldn't leave anywhere unscathed, I got into my first accident in Forks. After crashing into a boy - which turned out to be Jasper - and breaking my arm from the fall, he was was sweet enough to help me. At the time he had been delivering newspapers around the neighbourhood out of a little red wagon. He emptied all the newspapers onto the sidewalk and helped me into his wagon.

"What are you doing?" I had asked through my tears.

"Taking you home so you can get fixed."

Now that I think about it, he could've just knocked on anyone's door and they would've been happy to help, but instead, after I told him where I lived, he pulled me all the way to my house.

From there, he rode with me all the way to the hospital and was with me when I got my cast. He even picked out the colour.

As it turned out, his house was right across from mine and we started to hang out every day. He met Emmett and all three of us became the best of friends. And everything was perfect up until a few years ago where Jasper began to change from a cute little boy to a very attractive young man.

Feelings were beginning to change and soon enough, I couldn't deny that I was falling for him. He was more than just a best friend to me and I couldn't go back to feeling the same way I used to. Then, one day during the summer, Jasper decided that he wanted to take our relationship to the next level. And the rest, as they say, is history.

That was one year ago today.

"Cleaning. I see. Do you want help?" And that's how good of a guy Jasper is. He offered to help clean my room.

"Nah," I answered, stroking his hands that were rested over my stomach. "It's a big job and I'm done for the day."

"Alright." He released me but held onto my hands. "But anytime you need help, you know who to ask. So are you excited about tonight?"

I beamed. "Very."

"Good. It's going to be special."

I kissed him chastely. "I can't wait. Now go play with Emmett. I'm busy."

He pouted and muttered something about me not being fair as he shuffled out of the room. Quickly, I went to my closet and rummaged through the mess, trying to find something decent to wear. He said it was going to be special so I definitely needed to attempt to look good. Nothing.

I zipped downstairs, trying not to trip over my feet and slipped out the door unnoticed. My parents, Charlie and Renee were having some "adult time" over at the Whitlocks' and I ran across the street. I knocked on the door and waited impatiently, my hands knotted together behind my back.

Jasper's mother, Karen, opened the door to their giant home. "Bella? What are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

"No, no," I assured her. "I just need some help, style wise."

She smiled knowingly. "Oh right. The big date tonight."

I blushed. "Yeah, and I have absolutely nothing to wear at all."

"Bella?" I heard my mother's voice inside and she came to the door.

"Renee, it looks like your daughter is having quite the fashion crisis," Karen said, smiling at me fondly.

My mother laughed, making her look years younger. "Then I guess it's our job to help."

Renee and Karen were extremely helpful. They took me out to look at different outfits and we settled on a cute, white summer dress with black polka dots. Jasper's mom had a pair of red shoes that went perfectly and I was ecstatic.

I went home and Jasper and Emmett stared at me, confused.

"You were gone?" Emmett asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Only for about three hours or so."

"Oh," Emmett turned back to the television, "okay."

Jasper looked at the time. "Oh crap." He got up and kissed me quickly before running out the door. "I'll see you tonight," he called over his shoulder.

I smiled and went upstairs to get ready. My mother came home soon after to help.

"So are you excited about tonight?" she said, asking the very same thing Jasper had asked earlier today, while she curled my hair loosly.

"Yes."

"You know, your father and I are very fond of Jasper. He's a good, smart boy. And I'm very glad you two chose each other."

I felt my face heat up and I looked at my hands in my lap. "Thanks, Mom. That means a lot coming from you."

She finished fixing me up and hugged me tightly. "Have fun tonight."

Jasper was waiting for me downstairs, talking and joking with Charlie and Emmett. I remembered the first time we went out. While I was getting ready, Charlie was giving Jasper the third-degree. Even Emmett joined in, threatening to beat him to a pulp if he hurt me. Emmett was always walking around, flexing his muscles and showing off his masculine physique. By the time I had gotten downstairs, they had effectively scared the living shit out of Jasper and he was sitting in the corner in a tight, little ball.

Now, they were all buddies as if nothing had happened.

He turned away from Emmett and my father for a second and caught my eye. I smiled shyly and a wide grin spread across his face.

"Fucking incredible," I heard him whisper to himself, low enough so neither of my parents could hear. If they heard him curse, I knew they'd probably like him a little less.

Jasper took my hand and we left together.

"Have fun you two!" my mother called after us.

"Bella, you look amazing. I am incredibly lucky to have you." I blushed.

"You don't look so bad yourself, Jazz." Truthfully, he was stunning. He was wearing a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up a bit and black pants. The contrast against his skin and bright, blue eyes made him breathtaking.

He helped me into his fancy, new, red R8. The Whitlocks had quite a bit of money thanks to Jasper's father being the head of his company in Seattle. So, when Jasper graduated from high school, his parents splurged and bought him this expensive, flashy car.

In my opinion, it was a bit sumptuous and too showy for Forks, but Jasper hardly drove it around town in the first place. He saved it for when we went into larger cities or for special occasions, such as this one.

Jasper took me everywhere that night. We had an early dinner in Port Angeles and ice cream while we walked along the boardwalk. We ran into a street artist and got a drawing of us together. We later found a photo booth and took some ridiculous and loving pictures. We stopped in a small shop where he bought M&M's. We walked along the busy streets, eating our candies and waving at cars if they were the colour of the M&M we had just eaten.

I found a park and we played together like we did when we were young. He pushed me on the swing in the playground and when I went down the slide, he was at the bottom to catch me, sweeping me into a kiss as he did. We sat on a bench, watching the world go by and he brought my face to his and kissed me again. I couldn't remember a time where I had been so happy because there probably never was. Jasper brought such life with him, everywhere he went.

By the end of the eventful date, we had ended up at First Beach in La Push, strolling hand in hand along the sand. The waves were gentle as we walked under the stars together. So cliche, I know, but it was romantic nonetheless.

"Bella," he finally said, his voice ringing clear and beautiful in the night, "do you ever think about your future?"

"All the time," I admitted.

"And am I in it?" He smiled slightly.

"Obviously," I replied, my face getting warm.

"It's going to be hard, going to university next year," he said quietly. "It'll be weird not seeing you everyday."

Jasper was a year older than me so he would be starting at the University of Washington in Seattle while I was finishing my final year of high school.

"You'll still be home on weekends. No big deal." He and Emmett would be living in a dorm, but they wanted to be home as much as possible.

"No big deal because you'll just be spending time with your secret boyfriend during the week." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

"Well, it's not much of a secret if you already know what's going on between Mike and me," I said seriously. Jasper stared at me for a second. The edges of my lips curled up and he scowled at me.

"Oh, you're just awful," he snapped, turning his head away from me, toward the water. But I knew he wasn't really upset and I laughed. Mike Newton, a close friend of mine, had always had a crush on me, but I clearly yet kindly showed him I was not at all interested.

"I'm awful, but you still love me." I smiled softly up at him.

"Obviously," he said, copying my previous words. He leaned down to kiss me gently and my heart went crazy. Only Jasper would be able to get that kind of reaction from me.

Finally, Jasper took me home.

"Goodnight, Beautiful," he said, kissing me on my front porch as he always did, date or not.

Just then, the front door swung open and Emmett was standing there with a goofy smile on his face.

"Oh, hey guys," he said, trying not to laugh. "Well, this is awkward."

"No Em, it's really not that awkward," Jasper replied, rolling his eyes. "Because this, so conveniently, happens on a weekly basis."

"It couldn't be that much," my big goof of a brother objected.

Jasper ignored him. "But, you know, I could make it awkward... Seeing as I was about to shove my tongue down your sister's throat."

My face turned beet red as Emmett cried out in horror. He pressed his hands to his ears, shut his eyes and began yelling and dancing around.

"Lalalalalalala! I can't hear you! I can't hear you because I can't here perverts!" He ran back into the house, still hollering and jumping around as he went.

I glared at Jasper, my face obnoxiously red. "Not funny."

His laugh echoed through the quiet night. "Yes it was," he disagreed, trying to catch his breath.

"Well, I'm not laughing."

He took in my expression. "Sorry. I couldn't resist."

And I sighed, forgiving him because it was impossible to stay mad at Jasper.

"I love you," he said after kissing me again.

"I love you," I whispered back and watched as he retreated back to his home across the street.

After getting past my parents and who were asking about my date, and why Emmett had just ran into the house screaming about perverts, I made my way upstairs and got ready for bed.

I crawled under the covers and smiled to myself, my mind filled with Jasper. There was no other guy I could possibly love more than him. He was perfect in every way. I could imagine spending the rest of my life with Jasper, wherever he wanted to go because he was that important to me. We would always love each other unconditionally and nothing could ever get in the way of that.

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**A/N: So what'd you think? It was sort of short but many of m chapters will be much longer. There are a few twists and turns to this story and I think you'll like it. **

**For those of you who read the previous deleted version of Califorks, I realize that it is very different, but most of, if not all the original chapters will be in this one hopefully.**

**Anyway, the next chapter will be up ASAP and hopefully before school starts for me (September 8th). Can't wait to hear what you guys think.**

**Review!**

**~Kara**


	2. Money

**Meanwhile, in California...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

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~Narcissist - Hedley

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_The has been high school hero_

_He's first in line in his whole mind and doesn't care about the rest_

_She's a suburban princess_

_She's had it all since she was small and sucking on a silver spoon_

_Another gold card purchase_

_This daddy's girl thinks the whole world revolves around her like the moon_

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Edward POV

I wrapped my arms around my girlfriend and kissed her neck softly. She laughed and slapped me away. I smiled and nuzzled against her again. Rosalie turned in my arms and held my face in her hands. I raised an eyebrow at her, waiting for her next move. She rolled her eyes before kissing me with her full, red lips.

It was insane thinking about how far I'd come with Rosalie Hale. We were completely in love and a year ago, I wouldn't have thought that would be possible. I stared at the hand that held mine as we sat on her couch, watching a movie with my sister, Alice and her boyfriend, Jacob Black. Surrounding the long, slender ring finger of her left hand, was a beautiful ring, passed down from many generations in my family. The ring that symbolized we would soon be together in a much more notable way...

_*Flashback*_

_"Edward, Rosalie, we feel that this is the best decision for the both of you," Mr. Hale says as we sit there staring at him like he has three heads. Even they had explained it over and over, I can't quite believe what I am hearing._

_"Umm... Yeah... But what about how we feel?" I say. I know it's rude, but I'm too shocked to try to be semi-polite. And I guess I have to do the talking because Rosalie is just sitting there looking horrified._

_"Well, Edward," my father, Carlisle, cuts in, "you've made it clear that you feel it's okay to take advantage of every girl you meet." His gaze is steady as I glare at him. "You can't be some playboy for the rest of your life."_

_"That's not who I'm going to be, but I wasn't planning on Rosalie being my wife!" He doesn't have the right to say anything about me. It's my life._

_"Well, start planning, Edward," Esme, my mother, says quietly. I gape at her. I can't believe my parents have agreed to this._

_"Why can't I make my own decisions?" I ask after a moment of quiet._

_"Because you're headed down an unstable path, Edward," Carlisle answers. I roll my eyes. "We won't let you slip away from us. You don't want to throw away everything you've been given. So, since you've been known to make the wrong choice, we have to start choosing for you."_

_"What about Rosalie?" I demand. She hasn't said a word and I glance at her beside me, her face in her hands. "What has she done wrong? Why aren't you letting her choose?"_

_Rosalie's father laughs, quite inappropriate for the serious conversation. "You see, son, my daughter is a leader. She knows how to keep people in line."_

_"In other words, you think that she'll stop me from doing what I want," I say flatly._

_"Rosalie is a good girl, Edward," Esme cuts in. "You two have been friends for a long while now. When you're around each other, you're not so... wild. You're good for each other."_

_"And I still don't see where she gets her choice," I shoot back._

_"I'll do what I know to be right." Rosalie's voice is quiet but clear. My expression is cold and she shrinks back just a bit._

_"How is this right?" I say quietly. How can she be making this decision without even thinking it through? What about Tyler, her boyfriend? Then it hits me. She and Tyler broke up a few days before. She's been acting strange, but I just shrugged it off. She knew._

_My eyes narrow at her, but she straightens up and stares right back without even blinking an eye._

_"I'm not going to lose my son," Esme throws back at me. Her eyes fill with tears that she force back. "This is right because we're saving you from a life that you don't want. Believe me. You have so many opportunities, so many things to offer. We all care about you. And this isn't some sort of intervention," she says. "Rosalie is a wonderful person. You deserve each other. And she'll make you the happiest man on Earth. I promise you that."_

_Suddenly, all the fight is drained from my body. I look around the room. Rosalie's mother, who has managed to stay quiet for the entire discussion, her father, my own parents and Rosalie herself. They haven't screwed up like I have. They probably do know best._

_"Can I just think about some stuff?" I ask no one in particular. "This is a lot to take in."_

_"Of course." Carlisle waves me off. "Take as much time as you need."_

_I stand and turn back to Rosalie still seated on the sofa in my living room. I take her hand and pull her up. But this is always how we were, holding hands sometimes, hugging. It feels no different now. People sometimes assume we're a couple, but we never have been._

_"I need to talk to you." I lead her out the door and back to my house next door. We go up to my room, sitting on the edge of my bed._

_She stares at me for a long time before sighing. "Just say it."_

_"You knew."_

_"Yes."_

_I stare at her, puzzled. "Why didn't you tell me? And why did you agree?"_

_"I was asked not to say anything. Your parents wanted to be there. And I agreed because, even though you're a pain in the ass a lot of the time, you're still my friend." She lays down and stares at the ceiling. "And, as stupid as it sounds, I think we would've ended up together anyway." Her eyes shift to me and she smiles._

_I lay back next to her. "How long have they had this plan for?" I ask quietly._

_"Since we were little, I think. After you moved here. My father has this dream of 'perfect grandchildren'." She rolls her eyes. "But your parents didn't want to make that decision for you so they let it go."_

_"Until?" I ask, propping myself up on one elbow, facing her._

_"Until you became a wild, drunken, partying man-whore. Then the idea of sticking you with someone reliable and no-nonsense began to seem pretty good." She laughs gently and I find myself thinking how beautiful the sound is and wondering how I never noticed before._

_I let my eyes rake over Rosalie, seeing her all over again. I don't know how I didn't see it before, but she is unbelievably beautiful. Like insanely hot. Her flowing blond hair, striking blue eyes and amazing figure. No wonder she has every guy panting after her. If we hadn't been friends when we were young, Rosalie probably would have been one of my many conquests. But she isn't. She's Rosalie. And I want something real with her._

_"You're fucking gorgeous," I say._

_"You're pretty hot yourself there, mister." She brushes a mess of my red-brown hair out of my eyes with a smile on her face._

_"And this reliable, no-nonsense girl will take some drunken, partying man-whore?" I ask. It seems doubtful. She should just give up on me right now._

_"Every part of him that she can get," she tells me._

_And I kiss her then because it makes me so incredibly happy that someone wants me for who I really am. It might take me a while to get used to this idea, but I know I have to try, for my parents, for Rosalie, for me._

_When I pull away, she smirks at me. "And, hey, they're the ones who will be paying for the wedding."_

_*End Flashback*_

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_And on the day he met her_  
_The high pretension of their love connection all but sealed the deal_  
_Happily ever after who better for each other than another candidate to_

_Make a case_  
_That all they've ever needed is a pretty face_  
_But the bottom line about it is a 'never was' is all they'll ever be_  
_They can't resist the paranoid delusions of a narcissist_  
_But they're together anyways and share their self obsessed reality_  
_We can't resist the paranoid delusions of a narcissist_  
_It doesn't matter anyway cause we're a self fulfilling prophecies_  
_Of make believe_

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Rosalie and I had been together for a year now and I knew my mother was right. We were good for each other. We just fit.

"Hey, Edward, the movie's over," Alice said, throwing a pillow at my head. I caught it and tossed it back at her. In the beginning, Alice had been a little weirded out by my arrangement with Rosalie, seeing how they were best friends, but she got over it pretty quickly.

"Edward Anthony Cullen! How dare you hit a girl! Your own sister even!" she squeaked, running over to hit me with another pillow. She got me in the head and I heard a snicker from across the room. I shot Jacob a dirty look and he returned it with his own steely gaze.

Jacob Black and I had never been on great terms. There was something about him that seemed off to me. He was a just a sketchy guy that I didn't feel like I could trust. Part of it was probably because he refused to talk about his past. He had only moved to San Francisco about three years ago and only said that he had lived in a small town in Washington. It made me suspicious of him, like he was hiding something bad, but Rose just said I was paranoid because he's dating my little sister. But that's not it. Not even close.

There was something off about Jacob Black.

But I rarely said anything to Alice anymore because I knew she cared for him a lot and hated when I made accusations. So, between us, it was just glaring and some small talk when mandatory.

"Oh calm down, Mary. You're just worried about your hair." She grimaced when I called her Mary. She thought her full name, Mary Alice, was just awful and she insisted on being called Alice. I ruffled her short, black, spiky hair playfully and she slapped my hand away.

Alice was tiny, extremely thin and short, maybe only 5'1, 5'2. And when she stood next to Jacob, the height difference was comical as he was about 6'5.

I laughed at my sister as she ran to the mirror to check her hair and wound my hand around Rosalie's. "Come walk with me."

We went outside in the warm evening air, leaving Jacob and Alice at Rose's place and walked hand in hand down the road. The sun was setting and it made the whole thing all romantic and shit.

"I really had fun last night," Rosalie said. Last night had been our one year anniversary and I had taken her out for a special evening. I made sure everything was the best of the best and bought her every gift I could imagine. That shit was fucking expensive, but worth it.

"I'm glad." I grinned before kissing her. We kept walking and people watched as we passed. I couldn't blame them, though. Rose and I made a hot couple and normal people couldn't help but stare at us. I mean,  
Rosalie Hale is a goddess and I'm not afraid to admit that I'm fucking sexy. I won't deny it. I used that to my advantage a lot to get a number of girls before Rose and I were a couple.

"Hey Edward?" she said after a few minutes of quiet.

"Yeah?"

"Have you thought about the wedding at all?"

I kept my face smooth even though I was cringing internally. As much as I loved her, I still found it difficult to picture myself actually marrying Rosalie. "A little. But not too much. Why?"

"Well," she began, "I want it to be special. A big lavish wedding. The kind you see in movies. A huge ballroom." She sighed happily.

"Anything else, my princess," I asked her, kissing her cheek.

"I want a themed wedding." She had a faraway look in her eyes as she imagined it. "You know, something tasteful, but screams 'we have money'. I want it to make everybody jealous. And my father will be happy to pay for it all." She grinned.

"As will mine," I told her. Both of our families had a lot of money and it was no problem when it came to getting something we wanted.

She paused for a second. "And I've been thinking about the guest list."

"What's so big about the guest list? My family, yours, a few friends and probably fucking Jacob Black." I made a face. I had a feeling that their relationship would last even though I hated it.

She pushed me gently. "Be nice. It's rude to separate Jake from your friends."

I rolled my eyes, but let it go. "But what about the guest list? There will be a hell of a lot of people there."

"I was kind of hoping to invite my old friend. She lives in Forks, Washington now, I think. I don't know if they moved or not. I lost contact with her and her family a couple of years after you moved here."

"Oh yeah," I said. "I think you told me about her once. Betty or something, right?"

"Bella," she corrected. "Isabella Swan."

"Bella," I repeated.

"Yeah. I want her to be there. Her brother, Emmett, and her parents too."

"Cherry and Reynold?"

She sighed. "Charlie and Renee."

I laughed. "Oh, right."

"I want them to be there. They were important to me when I was young. They made an impact and I feel like they deserve to be at our wedding." She sighed again. "But I haven't talked to them in years. Who knows if they even stayed in Forks. I just want them to come. Wishful thinking, I guess..."

I pulled her to a stop. She stared at me, unsure.

"Rosalie, if you want them to come, then we'll get them there. No matter what."

Her face lit up. "Really?"

"Even if I have to go knocking on every single door in Forks just to find them."

"You'd really do that?" She seemed doubtful, not expecting something so generous from me.

"I'd do it for you. I promise." Her face broke out into a smile and she pulled my face down to kiss me, almost roughly.

And it was true. I'd do a lot of things to make Rosalie happy. Even if it means going to a tiny, muddy rainy town with a population of ten fucking people. Gross.

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**A/N: Another short chapter, but there won't be a lot of those. I promise. But it was probably my quickest update ever so that's good!**

**I'm going to be touching more on everybody's life throughout the story and yes we will be learning A LOT more about Jacob and his past in a little town in Washington... hmm ;) **

**REVIEW!**

**~Kara**


	3. Inner Demons

Hi

**Life's been super hectic lately with the start of school and I'm also working a bit and stuff so it's hard but here's the next chapter!**

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Song: Fix Me - Marianas Trench

_All the times I tried to steal my best for you_

_And I threw it up to keep it down a__nd watch it burn I hate the sound_

_I know just how you feel 'cause I don't know how it ever got away_

_'Cause I still feel all the things I did before_

_When you used to need it more_

_Remember all the ways you fixed me? How will you fix me now?_

_And if you're ever feeling you're bruised and battered, always sore_

_And I won't tell no one_

_Just breathe, breathe_

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Bella POV

I was mad. Beyond mad. And I had every right to be... I think.

I sat across the lunch table, glowering at Jessica Stanley. She sat there talking with Mike Newton, laughing just a little too loud at his jokes, leaning in and stroking his arm. Mike was eating it up. School had started up again and he had finally given up on the idea of dating me and was out looking for someone new. Apparently, though, he's attracted to girls who already have, great, understanding, loving boyfriends. Because, even though Jessica was sitting there flirting madly with some random, desperate guy, she was already in a relationship. With Emmett.

"Slut," I muttered under my breath. My friend, Angela Weber, elbowed me gently.

"Be nice, Bella. It's not like they're making out or anything." Angela just oozed kindness. She's the kind of girl you can't hate. She's just too sweet. To her, everybody was good, had some sort of redeeming quality.

"Ang, I know you mean well, but it's Jessica," I said quietly so no one else could hear. "She's not above... cheating. And I'm not going to let her have the satisfaction of hurting my brother in some kind of sick revenge against me because Jasper Whitlock didn't choose her." At one point in time, Jess and I had been friends. Best friends even. Butthat all began to change once she confided in me about her crush on Jasper. Now that I think about it, she probably used me to get closer to him, but I was past caring. At the time, Jasper and I were just friends. Plus, I was already in a stable relationship. Jess could have him. I didn't mind. It went on like that, Jess vying for his attention, for a while.

That was before I got hurt. Before Jacob Black's anger got the better of him. I started trembling, remembering that day.

"Bella. Bella?" Angela's voice brought me back to the present. I blinked. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Just daydreaming, ya know?" I couldn't even talk about it. Apart from Jasper's family and mine, no one knew about that day.

She didn't seem convinced by my answer, but didn't pry. "Alright." That was one of my favourite things about Angela, why we were such good friends. She didn't push for information to gossip about later. She let me keep a private life.

When I had been so broken after Jacob, Jasper helped me get formed between us and we were incredibly close. That's what made Jess turn on me. She thought something was going on and she was upset. I tried explaining to her numerous times that nothing was between Jasper and me, but she wouldn't have it. I started getting the cold shoulder and then our friendship was lost. She's hated me ever since and I think it got much worse when Jasper and I actually did become a couple.

I tried to concentrate on school, listen to what Mr. Berty was saying about literature. But now that I had let that day back into my mind, it refused to fade away. Images of Jacob's angry face passed through my head and it was all I could do not to scream.

I had to pull over on my way home from school because I was shaking so hard. Tears blurred my vision and I couldn't take it anymore. I finally just sat in the cab of my truck, my face in my hands, and let the memories of Jacob Black wash through me...

* * *

The phone rings and I answer it, hoping for it to be Jasper. But why would he phone if he could just walk across the street?

"Hello?"

"Bella." Jacob's voice is relieved. "I'm so glad you answered. I wanna see you. I don't like fighting."

I sigh. "I hate fighting with you, Jake, but you have to trust me."

"Look, can we just talk? We'll work this out. I promise."

"Fine. Can you come over?" I ask.

"Sure. I'll see you in a little bit. Love you."

I don't reply.

Instead, I hang up and prepare myself to have a real conversation with Jacob. Although, we both know that's not going to happen. He'll get mad over something and it'll turn into another fight. He'll leave and in a couple days, I'll hear from him again. He'll want to talk. We'll fight. And so on. It never seems to end.

I wait on my front steps for Jake to pull up. When I see his car coming down the road, I stand and take a deep breath. He gets out and comes bounding toward me, smiling hugely.

"Hey baby. I'm so glad you let me see you." He leans down to kiss me, but I take a step back.

"You wanted to talk. So let's hear it." His dark eyes flash as he takes in my mood.

"Bella," he begins slowly. "Bella, I feel like you're keeping things from me. Your always with him." He nods toward the Whitlocks' house so I know he's talking about Jasper.

I sigh. "That doesn't mean I'm doing anything wrong, Jacob! Jasper is my best friend. We've been friends since I was seven. That's not going to change."

"Yes it is." His voice has that familiar note of anger in it.

"No; it's not."

"If you really love me, then it is going to change. I want us to be together, but that can't happen if you're sneaking off with him all the time!"

"I'm not 'sneaking off with him'! I wouldn't do that to you, Jacob; you know how much you mean to me."

"Do I?" he counters.

"You should." I'm getting impatient now. If he only came here to make accusations, then it wasn't worth my time.

"I thought you trusted me," I say quietly.

"I do, Bells. It's him I'm worried about."

I don't respond.

"So that's it, Bella. Me or him."

"You can't honestly be making me choose."

His gaze is cold. "I am."

Suddenly, rage gets the better of me. "Jacob, I don't have to tell you everything I do! You are not my father; you are my boyfriend. And if you can't handle that, then maybe you should just leave." He won't take control of me anymore.

A bitter laugh comes from him. "That's just talk, honey. You wouldn't break up with me."

"Maybe not before, but I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being afraid of you. Afraid that if I say or do the wrong thing, I'll get punished in the worst way possible. And I shouldn't be afraid. There's nothing scary about an insecure asshole who tries to overpower and bully girls. It's pathetic, really." As much as I love him, I can't handle what he puts me through.

He's towering above me now, his face contorted with fury. "You little bitch. You'd better take that back."

But I don't. Instead, I hold my ground and look him straight in the eye. "Back off, Jacob."

He smiles viciously. "Insecure asshole? What about you? How about lying, cheating whore? Maybe a two-faced, worthless bitch."

"Jacob, I said back off." I lift my hands to push his chest back, but he grabs the tops of my arms tightly. The next thing I know, I'm on the ground. My head is spinning and throbbing from when it cracked on the pavement and red rings have formed just below my shoulders, where his hands were. I try to focus and my wide eyes meet Jacob's.

He's standing there, staring at me as if he doesn't quite understand what just happened. Like me. Finally, he blinks, coming to his senses. Reaches for me.

I scuttle back as if he's poisonous. "Don't touch me," I choke out. His eyes are tourtured as he draws back. I quickly get up, never turning my back on him, and run across the street. I slam on the door, tears streaming down my face.

"Bella? I thought you were with-" Within seconds, Jasper knows I'm not okay. That I need help. He opens his arms and I take a step back, unsure, afraid.

"I won't hurt you, sweetheart. Not ever," he whispers. I know this already, but I'm so shaken up. After his reassurances, though I don't hesitate to go into his arms. He kisses my forehead. Then he looks up and his eyes flash with hatred.

I turn to see Jacob still standing there. He still holds his ground when Jasper releases me. "Stay here," he says. Of course, I don't listen. I trail far behind Jasper as he makes his way over to Jake.

"You don't deserve her." Jasper's voice isn't loud or angry, but still deadly. "You never fucking deserved her. She was the best thing that's ever happened to you and you're such a fucking idiot that you blew it."

"You wanna take me on?" Jacob roars. "Go ahead. Try me."

"I'm not going to fight you, moron. But if you ever come back here, then you'll be sorry."

"Who says I'm leaving?" Jake smirks.

"Me." Jasper is thoughtful for a moment. "Or the chief of police might just come and arrest you with assault charges. I'm sure he'll be home any minute now."

"Fuck you. Let me talk to Bella." He starts moving, but Jasper steps in his way. I take a few steps back even though Jacob is still over twenty feet away.

"You won't go near her," Jasper tells him.

"Oh yeah? We'll see about that."

Jasper's arm winds back and I hear the sound of impact when his fist connects with Jacob's face. Jacob's eyes are wide as he stumbles back a few steps.

"Now get your worthless ass out of here and don't come back," says Jasper.

Jacob straightens up, but doesn't move forward to fight. He looks at me. "We could've had something really special, Bella."

Somewhere inside, I find the courage to get my final words in. I shake my head, never removing my eyes from his. "No Jacob. We couldn't."

* * *

I opened my eyes and sat up. I took slow, deep breaths to calm myself. I hated that memory, but every single word of my last conversation with Jacob Black had been burned into my mind. Not thinking of it was the only thing that ever kept me sane, made me more normal. Usually, I was good with that, not letting myself remember. But it seemed everything was connected to Jacob in some way. There was no avoiding it. He would always reappear when I least expected it. He would haunt and torture me until I couldn't take it anymore. And I hated myself for - even after every horror he put me through - not being able to hate him.

Jacob Black had meant a lot to me. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first love. He and I had been amazing together. I didn't think there would be anyone else.

Everything had been perfect... in the beginning. I remembered meeting Jake during a trip to La Push with some friends. We had instantly hit it off and as time went on, I knew he was something special, something I needed in my life. We started dating and he was sweet and always gentle. He even switched schools so that he could be closer to me. I was incredibly happy.

Until things started changing.

At first it was small things. A few petty, stupid arguments that really meant nothing and were over in a minute. He became a little more protective, but that didn't bother me. It was in a sweet way. He didn't want me to get hurt.

Gradually, though, the grasp of his hand around mine or his arm around my waist became a little too tight for comfort. Petty arguments turned into all out fights and we wouldn't speak for days. When a guy looked at me, he would blow up. I feared that he would get into a fight and get kicked out of school.

Jacob wanted to know where I was and what I was doing at all times. He hated Jasper and didn't like when we hung out and he wasn't there. He stopped trusting me and I did nothing. I was too afraid. I was scared for me and for Jasper. It got to the point where I was convincing myself that he was always mad because of me. I deserved to be yelled at and I was always doing the wrong things. If only I was a better girlfriend, then maybe he wouldn't be so mad all the time.

Jasper was always saying things about Jake whenever we hung out and I got mad. I was defensive when he said I was making a mistake in being with him. The day Jacob Black hurt me, Jasper and I hadn't been speaking to each other. I was mad at him for accusing Jacob of abusing me, verbally or otherwise. Whether it was true or not, what we did was none of his business. But there was no one else I could think of when I had to get away from Jake. Jasper kept saying that I was deluding myself if I really thought Jacob cared for me. No one treats the one they love that way. But it took me until the moment Jacob put his hands on me and threw me to the ground to realize what Jasper was saying was true.

And after all that, I still couldn't hate Jacob. He had taught me so many things about who I want to be and what I deserve. Yes, he abused me, talked me down, acted like I was nothing, but at one point, Jacob Black had really loved me. I knew that much and I knew that he never truly wanted to hurt me. Maybe if he had talked to someone about his anger, things might've been different. Maybe we would've still been together today. I shuddered at the thought. The idea of never being with Jasper was scary and something I didn't want.

Jasper was always there for me, no matter what the situation was. And that was the only thing that could me move on from what had happened.

But there were still so many things I wanted to say to Jacob Black. He left before I had gotten the chance to talk to him. I didn't want to see him ever again, but at the same time, I wanted him to know everything I was feeling; the script was memorized from the numerous times of repeating those words in my head, imagaining I was face-to-face with Jacob in that very moment.

Jacob stopped coming to school after the attack. I thought that maybe he just went back to the school in La Push, but word got out he moved. Charlie, who had been close friends with Jake's father before Jake hurt me, confirmed the rumours and just like that, I was free. I would never have to see him again. Apperantly, they were moving out to somewhere in California, but I wasn't sure. At school, people shot me sympathetic glances. They came up to tell me how sorry they were that Jacob had moved. No one knew and I wasn't about to share anything. I just nodded, maybe mumbled, "I'll survive," or "everything will work out." And that was it. Soon enough, everyone forgot about Jake and me, our tragic story. Two lovers, best friends, separated from one another, never getting to see the other ever again.

Oh, the sadness.

Oh, the heartbreak.

Oh, the huge pile of bullshit.

Finally, I pulled myself together enough to restart the engine and make my way home. My fingers gripped the wheel tightly as I tried to take slow, deep breaths. One of these days, I wouldn't break down from an awful memory of my ex-boyfriend. He was long gone from my life. I realized then that even though Jacob and I were no longer together, he still had power over me; he still had control over my life. Every tear that I cried over those memories was like Jacob Black spitting in my face, telling me that I'm weak, that I'm nothing.

I sat up straighter and tightened my quivering bottom lip. He would never control me again.

"Bella, honey, how was your d-" Renée started as I came in. Then shesaw my face and her smile disappeared. "What's the matter? Are you alright?"

I mustered up a smile. "I'm fine, Mom. Just a long day."

She didn't seem convinced. "Okay..." Then she brightened a bit. "Someone's waiting for you in the living room. And I'm going out for a bit. I'll be back in a while."

I raced in to see my knight in shining armour sitting on the sofa grinning at me. I snuggled in beside Jasper, sighing happily. "I thought you weren't getting back from Seattle till later."

He put his arm around me. "Yeah, well classes ended early and I missed you so here I am."

"I'm glad."

"Me too." He was quiet for a moment. "You look sad."

I swallowed. "Jacob," was all I said.

He stiffened. "He's not going to hurt you again, Bella. He's far away now. He's not coming back."

"I know, but... I wish I could see him again. I wish I could talk to him."

Jasper pulled away. "What? Why? Why would you even say that?"

"I don't want to be with him. I love you. But there are a lot of things I would've liked to say to him... I don't know. It's stupid."

"Yeah. It is. Beyond stupid."

I looked at him, shocked and hurt. "I thought you would be supportive."

"And I thought you didn't want to see that psychotic asshole ever again," he said through clenched teeth.

"Jasper, why are you being like this?" I moved away from him.

He sighed. "I'm sorry. But the idea of him being near you after what he did. I can't stand it."

"I know you're afraid." He opened his mouth to say something but I shook my head. "Don't deny it. I'm afraid too."

"I'm afraid of you getting hurt," he clarified. "Not Black. And he's not coming back so it doesn't matter anyway."

"Then why is it such a problem for me to talk to you about this?"

He stood up and started pacing around the small space. "Because I don't understand why you would wanna be near that psychopath after what he did to you!"

I pushed myself off the couch and stared him down. "You don't have to understand, Jasper, but I thought that you of all people would."

His hands flew to his hair, pulling at it. "How the hell would I understand, Bella? He attacked to you, and you want to chat like you're old buddies?"

I shook my head. "Just forget it, Jasper. Forget it all."

But he wouldn't let it go. "How can you not hate him? How do those memories not want to make you bash his face in?"

"Because I'm better than that. And I know that at one point, he really loved me. But he had problems. He let himself lose control for a second and things happened. And I can never forgive him for what happened, but that doesn't mean it has to be like this."

"I can't believe you. You've got to be insane to even want to be within 100 feet of him."

My expression hardened. "You know what? I think maybe you should leave. I'm glad that you're home, but right now I think it's best that you go."

He walked to the door and gave me a long look. I opened he door without a word and he left. I leaned against the wall, closing my eyes. Jasper and I never fought. I couldn't believe I had just kicked him out after not seeing him all week. I mean, it's Jasper! Things shouldn't be like this. I should be hugging him and kissing him and welcoming him home. But instead I'm standing here, crying and alone all because of Jessica Stanley, Jacob Black and my big, stupid mouth.

Jasper POV

I sat in my room, staring at the picture of Bella and I the day after Jacob Black hurt her. At the time, Emmett had been picture crazy. He was going through this photographer phase and took pictures of everything, from random people to objects to dogs pissing on a tree. Everything.

On that particular day, Bella and I were sitting at the island in my kitchen. We were having a conversation about what had been going on for the past few months where Jacob's anger had really started to show through. I held her hand as she talked about the jealousy, the anger, the fear. We were quiet even though the house was otherwise empty. Soon, she was close to tears so I held her. I let her know everything was going to be okay. And then we sat there together, our foreheads leaning against one another. Emmett burst in then, ruining yet another moment, but neither of us pulled away. He held up his camera and there was a flash.

Emmett did tend to take great pictures even if the subjects were a little odd. This picture may have been one of his best. It was a close-up of me and Bella, our foreheads touching still. You could only see half of my face, but Bella's was turned slightly, facing he camera a bit more. A whisper of a smile lightened her expression, but I could still see the emptiness and pain in her downcast eyes. This picture was only one example if what she was like after Jacob. He did this to her and she still wanted to see him? Made no fucking sense.

A day passed.

A week.

Two.

Bella and I had never spent this much time apart and even though I was at school in Seattle most of the time, it hurt just the same.

Mostly I just sat around in my dorm or, during weekends, in my house. Emmett kept trying to get me to go out and do something with him, but I would always make excuses not to go.

"Hey, Jazz, Bella's not gonna wait forever," Emmett said one Saturday as I sat on my couch, depressed and eating whatever I could find. "Get off your lazy ass, grow some balls and go fix things with her! Jeez!"

"Well what if she doesn't want to fix things?"

He shrugged. "It won't hurt to go and find out." He turned around to leave.

"Yes it will!" I called after him. Jessica was waiting for him at the door and they left together.

Jessica. She seemed like a decent person and I wasn't really sure why Bella hated her so much. Sure, she was a flirt, but aren't a lot of people? And it didn't seem like she was with Emmett for any other reason than she just liked him. They seemed genuinely happy together.

Just like Bella and I used to be. Now there was a strain on our relationship that some worthless piece of shit a million miles away had put there. She didn't deserve that. We didn't deserve that. And maybe I could see her point a little bit. As much as I hated it, I could see that there were things she would've wanted to tell him. And she might even want to see how he's doing, if he's any better because Bella's a good person like that. I couldn't deny her that much. The chances of her even seeing Jacob Black again were one in a million anyway so it shouldn't have bothered me so much. Unless, we were trying to track him down, we wouldn't see him again, so why not humour her in this? It's really no big deal.

I ran up to my room to change into some clean clothes. I almost fell as I bounded down the stairs as fast as I could and out the door. I knocked on the Swan's door and waited impatiently. My angel was the one to open it.

Bella stood there, her wide eyes boring into mine. Seeing the sadness and hurt in her eyes, I knew she had been through hell and back in the past two weeks. Reliving all those memories of Jacob. Alone. No one there to help her or hold her hand.

"And the 'shittiest boyfriend ever' award goes to... Jasper Whitlock," I mumbled.

A small laugh escaped her lips and I smiled a little at the sound. I nodded my head back toward the street and she followed me quietly. We walked side by side down the street, not touching.

"I understand," I said finally.

She looked up at me, her eyes hopeful, but she still didn't say a word.

"Jacob was a lot of things to you and when someone makes a big impact in your life, they still hold a place in your heart when they're gone. And maybe you don't care about Jacob in the same way you care about me or Emmett, or Charlie and Renée, but there's still a part of you that does care, even after what he did to you."

I stopped, taking her hands in mine. "And that's because you are good. You are a truly genuine and loving person who always puts others before yourself. And that's why I got upset. Because I love you, Bella and if anything happened to you, it would destroy me. So, when you said you wanted to see him again, I just about went crazy. But I do get it and I just wanted you to know that." I let her hands slip from mine and started walking home.

"Jasper?"

I stopped. She was smiling just a little. "Yeah?"

"Thank you." I nodded and kept walking.

"And Jasper?"

"Yes Bella?"

"Do you want to come over? I could really use some company right now."

"I'd love to." I walked back to her and grabbed her hand.

We went back to her place and sat on the couch together.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me," I told her.

"I'm sorry I brought up Jacob. And I'm sorry all this happened."

I shook my head. "Don't be. I always want to know how you feel."

"I don't want anything to do with Jacob. I want to forget about him. I mean, if I had the chance to talk to him, I would, but I really want to forget all these memories. I don't want to walk out my front door and think, 'this is where Jacob parked the last time I saw him,' and 'this is where my head hit the sidewalk when he threw me down.' I don't want to be constantly reminded of what I went through."

"Tell me what you want, Bella and you can have it," I said, smoothing down her hair.

She took a deep breath. "I want to get out of here. I want to leave all these memories in Forks and I want to start over in someplace far away."

"Then we will."

Her eyes darted to mine. "What?"

"When you finish school, we can leave Forks. We'll go wherever you want."

"You'd do that for me?"

"In a heartbeat."

A brilliant smile lit her face. "Can we go somewhere sunny?"

I laughed. "We can absolutely go somewhere sunny."

She laid her head against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Would you do one more thing for me?" she asked.

"Anything," I promised.

"Next time I tell you to leave, don't listen."

I kissed her hair. "I'm not going anywhere. And there will never ever be a next time."

* * *

**A/N: Hmmmm. Seems like Jacob Black is a sneaky character... And by the way, Jacob isn't all bad in this one. But he is pretty bad. So, if you're a Jacob fan, I'm sorry, but in my other fanfics (I'll be adding another one soon) he's a great guy. And updates will be a little slower until I get a break, but I'm not giving up on any of my fanfics.**

**And now there's just one little thing I need you to do for me... review!**

**~Kara**


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